"Do or do not.  There is no try.", Yoda, Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back

Despite this advice coming from one of my favorite movie franchises, I have also heard similar advice said by many success coaches.  I agree with the idea that trying something may not be as powerful as committing yourself to actually doing something.

How about when you commit yourself to doing something, you allow yourself the possibility that this doing does not have to be permanent.  You can allow yourself to do it on a trial basis.  There is no reason for you to get overwhelmed about making some big life change, you can just take small trial changes.

Think about how some businesses market their products.  I have seen many products and services that are marketed with a 30 day money back guarantee, or even longer.  How about services that offer a low price for the first month to allow you to try them out?  The idea of the money back guarantee and low introductory price is to overcome a buyer's natural reluctance to try something new.

It is part human nature to be cautious about changes, even if they will benefit us.  Businesses realize this and try and come up with methods to allow us to try their services in the hopes that once we try it we will keep purchasing their product.  You can use the same idea on yourself.  If you want to develop a new habit, give yourself some very small action that will reinforce that habit and decide to take that action for a period of 30 days.

For example, if you want to write a blog, you can commit to writing in your blog at least 3-5 days per week for 30 days.  After dong this for 30 days, you can decide if you want to continue or not.  If after 30 days, you see positive results from your trial, you can decide to extend the trial for another 60 or 90 days.  It is also possible that you decide after the trial period that you want to do something else.

So, it is true that we must take action and do something, it does not have to be a permanent change.  Let yourself do some trials and let me know how it works for you.

If you every hear yourself thinking things like "I don't know how to be successful", "I don't know how to be happy" "I don't know how to be motivated", or "I don't know how to be positive", these are great realizations.  All of these, and almost anything, can be learned.  These traits may not come "natrually" to you and you can learn them anyway.  Just because you did not grow up in a environment that taught you these things is no reason why you can't learn them now.  It is never too late to learn.

I had the opportunity to visit China when I was 20 years old.  At that time, I only learned how to say 3 things "Hello", "I love you" and "Too expensive".  I often thought about how cool it would be to actually be able to speak Chinese and I had several friends that could speak Chinese, and I never took the steps to learn Chinese.

Then one day at the age of 36, I remember it very clearly, I was walking around lonely on the streets of Berkeley California, and something just clicked in my mind and I decided, I have had 16 years of not learning to speak China and I decided at that moment to do something right then to learn Chinese.  I found the nearest bookstore and bought an audio program to learn Chinese.

After a few years of regularly learning Chinese, 3-5 days per week,, I can now , talk quite fluently in Chinese.  I am no where near a native speaker, but still much better than before, and most people, including me, would consider me a successful Chinese speaker.

The same goes with any area that you want to learn.  If you want to be successful, happy, motivated, or positive, first make a decision that you want something and then take some small action towards your goal.  Then take regular actions towards your goal.  I don't advise you to expect to learn some miracle that will provide you any of these overnight, just like I did not learn to speak Chinese overnight, be patient and enjoy the journey.

Don't worry if you did not grow up in successful surrounding.  You don't have to be a naturally successful person.  You can learn to be successful, just as I was able to learn Chinese, and it is never too late to start.

As I wrote the title to this post, I automatically realized the errors in that statement.  How about when planning a vacation?  I spend many hours planning vacations, comparing flight options, accommodations, and activities.  I find it to be a fun challenge to try and put the most fun into the available time for the best value.

So where does the emotion expressed in the title come from?  It comes from when I think about planning financial success.  When I think about trying to make a plan to achieve financial independence, my stomach starts to go into knots.  I start to think about balance sheets, assets, investments, interest rates.  I face a similar challenge when requested to develop a plan for work using MS Project and I'm supposed to say what will happen over the next few months, where I feel like I don't know.

How can I be a successful financial and work project planner?  I can start by asking questions just like that one, and also:  Why am I a good at planning?  Why do I enjoy planning?  Who can I ask help me improve my planning skills?  What plans can I copy?

Another idea is to stop focusing on planning and instead thing about strategies.  What strategies do I have to achieve my goals?  I really like the idea of throwing spagetthi against the wall and seeing what sticks.  In that way, I enjoy thinking up many strategies to achieve my goals, and trying many of them out and seeing what works.

Here are some strategies to improve any skill, including planning:

1. Motivation - Ask "Why am I a good planner" or similar questions.  If the "Why" is big enough the "How will figure itself out"
2. Ask others - Ask other people for assistance.  Including mentoring
3. Copy - Find out what others do by observations and try and do the same.
4. Learn - Take classes, and/or research about the topic, for example using Google

I know I am a good planner because when it is something "fun" then I plan for hours.  Why is "work" "fun"?  How about that?  Vacations are fun because there is no downside.  If my vacation plan doesn't work out exactly as I expected, it's no big deal.  When it comes to "work" there is a fear that if the plan doesn't work out that I will have some negative result like someone saying I did a bad job or getting fired.  In reality, the worst that has happened is that someone says something negative about my work, I can handle that.

Why do I enjoy planning?  I enjoy planning because I love research.  I like looking at possibilities.  I like comparing different options and using my knowledge and experience to pick the one that suits the situation best.  I also like the challenge of trying to get the most for the least.  I like the defined nature of plans because they have a start and end.

Time management and getting more done in less time is all about setting priorities.  How can you make sure you have enough time to accomplish the goals you have for your life?

There is some great advice form Warren Buffett, here.  From what I know of him, Warren seems like a great person and a good candidate for modeling success.  He seems like a real "normal" person.  I have heard he supposedly drives his own car and live in the same house that he bought 50 years ago.  He has found certain golden rules that allow him to consistently be successful.

This particular article talks about Warren's idea on how to set priorities and achieve success.  It closely follow the current Success Formula, with some changes.  In general the success formula is:

1. Goal
2. Plan
3. Action

The Plan step is one that is missing as a separate action of the current Success Formula, though I will add it in.  I prefer to take action before planning, otherwise I will use a lack of a plan as an excuse to not take action.

The key clarification of Warren priority advice is to first make a list of your top 25 priorities and then from that list choose the top 5 priorities.  Now once you have your top 5 priorities, use all of your energy and focus to work on these 5 priorities.

What about the other 20 goals on the list?  Should you work on them as you can when you have time?  This is where Warren advises you avoid those goals at all costs.  These goals are like sirens that will distract you from truly achieving your top 5 goals.

Be laser focused on your top 5 goals and don't stray from them until you have achieved them.  Only consider adding a new goal when one of your top 5 is completely achieved.

Are you following the advice of one of the world's most successful people?

Do you focus more on the method of succeeding or on your motives for succeeding?

There seems to be good evidence that motive is more powerful than method.  Why would motive be more powerful?  One theory is that you surely know many methods to succeed, and yet you don't do them because of fear.  This fear may be because your motive is not strong enough for you to want to confront your fears.

You probably know how to drive a car or have ridden in a car.  Anyone who drives a car can drive on the right or left side of the road.  The method is available to everyone.  Why then do most drivers decide to drive on the same side of the road as everyone else?  Because their motive is to arrive safely at their destination.  If they drive on the opposite side of the road it will make it more difficult to achieve their motive.

Our motives for doing things are often hidden from ourselves.  You may have motives that prevent you from succeeding that you are not conscously aware of.  How can you create powerful motives that will drive you to succeed?

One way to generate powerful motives is to ask yourself 'Why..." or "How come..." questions.  You can ask yourself questions as if you have already achieved your goal.  Something like "Why do I have an abundance of wealthy?"  "Why are people attractd to me?" "Why do I easily achieve my goals?"

These type of questions will get your brain searching for positive justifications for why you are successful.  Just like improving your body, expect it to take repetition an time for your mind to grow as a result of these exercises.  If you do the exercises and gradually improve the quality of the questions you ask, I'm sure you will experience positive results.

Have you ever tried to cut a destructive habit out of your life?  Stop smoking?  Stop eating unhealthy food?  Stop being negative?  Stop procrastinating?

How about instead of trying to remove bad habits from your life you just focus on adding beneficial habits?

If you want to stop smoking, instead of focusing on the smoking, focus on spending 1 hour, then 1/2 a day, then 1 day without smoking.  If you want to eat healthy, then focus on adding one healthy food to your diet each day, and then each meal, and then two healthy foods.  If you want to stop being negative, add one positive thought per day, then one in the morning and one in the evening.  If you want to stop procrastinating, then be on time for 1 meeting, then do it again.

Why does it matter if you focus on removing a destructive habit versus add beneficial habits?  Have you seen any green monkeys today?  Most likely, you were not thinking about green monkeys before you read that question were you?  How about now, are you thinking about green monkeys?  You see, even the mention of something has a strong impact on focusing your mind on that item.

If you are trying to stop a destructive habit, that means you must be continually thinking about that habit.  The more you think about something the more likely it is to show up.  Instead, focus you mind on adding beneficial habits and don't be too concerned about the destructive habit.

You only have 24 hours per day.  If you focus on adding beneficial habits and release your hold on destructive habits, they will easily go away from your life.

I have applied this principal in my eating pattern.  I used to love to eat tons of unhealthy food.  I finally decided that I would eat more healthy.  I had tried before without much success.  What made it work this time, was I did not stop eating unhealthy food.  Instead, I just focused on surrounding myself with healthy food and if I was hungry I would grab the healthy food.  Of course, if I was hungry and there was no healthy food, I would eat what was available and then later figure out how I could have had more healthy food.

This was a gradual process and I never got upset if I ate unhealthy food because that wasn't my focus.  I did not fail by eating unhealthy food because that wasn't part of my goal.  My goal was to eat healthy food, so each time I ate healthy food, I felt a feeling of success and it was irrelevant the times that I ate unhealthy food.

Let's apply this same idea to any of your destructive habits.  If you are a negative person, then try having one positive thought each day, and then one in the morning and the evening.

I have noticed that some successful people, skillfully borrow ideas and stories from others and pass them off as their own.

For example, I have heard Tony Robbins promote the idea of saying "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better."  According to Wikipedia, that quote is originated by Émile Coué.  I don't every remember Tony giving credit to Émile.

This is not to say that I think Tony has done something wrong.  Steve Jobs is quoted as saying "Good artists copy.  Great artists steal."  In this video, Steve actually attributes that quote to Picasso.  He goes on to say "We have always been shameless about stealing great ideas."

I accept the benefits and usefulness of selective stealing and lying.  Many years ago I read a book by Joe Girard which I thought was called "The World's Greatest Salesman", though I can't find that book.  Maybe that was just the marketing text on the cover.  I was really impacted by the book and distinctly remember in the book him saying that he lies.  Even recently, my mentor advised me to lie.  Now this is a little odd because on Joe's website he also specifically says here:

1. TELL THE TRUTH
   If you get caught in a lie even once, you will always be a liar.  Even if you tell the truth for the rest of your life, you won't be trusted or believed, consider yourself DEAD.
   

So which one is it?  Tell the truth or lie?  I think the key thing is being selective.  What I remember from his book was that he says he would never lie about his product.  He would lie about his personal tastes to make someone like him better.  For example, if the customer mentioned enjoying some restaurant, Joe would also express positive feedback about the restaurant, even if in reality he would never be caught dead in the establishment.  His justification is that his job wasn't to go to restaurants and his preference of restaurants wasn't really important so lying about that was OK in order to establish rapport.  BTW, my mentor also meant this when he advised me to lie.  He meant in order to establish rapport with clients instead of about our work.

The point of all this blather is that I found this quote on Steve Pavlina's home page and would love to pass it off as my own, or reword it slightly to make it my own.  Instead, I'll just admit I'm stealing this straight from his website.

"This site will help you make conscious decisions in your personal development journey and courageously follow through. This means having the maturity to take 100% responsibility for your health, your career, your finances, your relationships, your emotions, your habits, and your spiritual beliefs. It requires taking a deep look at yourself, consciously deciding what kind of person you truly are on the inside, and then getting your external reality to be congruent with your inner being. The goal is to help you achieve outstanding effectiveness while maintaining internal balance, where your thoughts, feelings, actions, and skills are all working together to create the life you truly desire. "

I especially like his statement of taking "100% responsibility".  That really hits home for me.  Any bad mood, attitude or actions are 100% my responsibility!

When you read the title of this post, your mind probably responded.  It may have responded with something like "Because I want a better life", or maybe something like "I am already successful", either way it gave you a response.

This is a common feature of the human brain, it is a question answering machine.  Pretty much no matter what question you ask your brain, it will search for an answer, even if the question is a non-productive question.

You brain will work just as hard to answer the question "Why am I so smart?" as it will to answer the question "Why am I so dumb?".  Try taking control of your mind and asking it empowering, positive questions that improve your life.

Once you have decided what goal you want, start asking positive questions that will help you achieve this goal.  You may have to experiment with what type and quantity of questions work best for you.  Some people, may be able to ask one quality question to achieve their goal and others may need to ask many different questions.

The one thing that I think is consistent is that whether you choose one question or try many different questions, it is important to repeat the question(s) on a regular basis, 3-5 days per week at a minimum, just like if you wanted to work out your body.

What type of questions should you ask?  I would suggest trying the "Five W's" (and one H) technique as a way to come up with questions you can ask yourself.  For example:

You can see, there are many different ways we can ask ourselves questions.  Some people insist that one type of question or another is the most powerful to ask.  For example, Noah St. John encourages asking "Why" questions.  For example, "Why am I so successful?" or "Why do so many people like me?"

I do agree that "Why" questions are powerful, and also think that other questions can be helpful.

My advice is to pick a number of questions that you can stick with for at least one month, asking them 3-5 times a day each week.  After one month, see how those questions are working for you.  If some of them are working keep them, if others aren't working them come up with some other questions and ask yourself those.

I remember, I used to ask myself, "How can I feel the same way about healthy food, that I do about junk food?"  Amazingly enough, it worked.  In the past, when I would reach for a candy bar, I will now grab some fruit.  I don't feel that I'm denying myself or having to resist the candy bar, instead, I truly feel towards the fruit, the same way I used to feel about the candy bar.

What type of questions work for you?

When you are making goals, it might be a good idea to see if you are focusing on goals that will improve your life instead of just one aspect of your life.  The idea is that sometimes people will look at their life and say that their business is doing well and their family life is suffering so they will decide to focus on their family.  What might happen is that as they focus on their family, they let their business slip.

Improving one are of your life at the expensive of another may not be the best choice, unless you have consciously chosen to make this trade off.  The idea of a Life Wheel is that you choose the areas that cover the most significant aspects of your life and put them as spokes on a wheel.  You then rate yourself on each area and connect the dots to make a wheel.  Here are two pictures to give you an idea.

These two wheel have common elements like career, money, health and family.  They also have unique items, like partner, learning, contribution and vision.

I like to make things as simple as possible, so my Life Wheel has 4 spokes:

Mental
Physical
Interpersonal
Financial

These are the areas that are most basic that seem to cover all of the important areas of my life at this time.

Mental
In this category I include everything that is focused on my mind.  This includes learning, vision and personal development.

Physical
In this category I include everything that is focused on my body.  This includes health and physical fitness.

Interpersonal
In this category I include everything this is focused on deaing with other people.  This includes relationships, family, partner and friends.

Financial
In this category I include everything that is focused on money.  This includes career and money.

It is possible that my wheel is an oversimplification as there are some things that maybe don't fit exactly in these categories, for example environment and contribution from the above two examples don't necessarily fit exactly in the above four categories.  You can add one or two more spokes, though I would think six spokes should be more than enough for most people.

I think these four categories cover at least 60% for most people and at most another two spokes could be added for a maximum of six, no need to make things too complicated.

You can see in the above pictures how each person has rated themselves on each area and then connected them to make a circular wheel inside the Life Wheel.  These inside wheels are a little unbalanced and so that can give the person an idea of what areas to improve on, while still maintaining a balanced level in the other areas.

What does your Life Wheel look like?

Some of my goals are not S.M.A.R.T.  For example:

• How can I be fun?
• How can I be persuasive?
• How can I be romantic?

I find the most important characteristics of goals that motivates me is that the goal be measurable and timely.  These goals are neither.  Even though I reinforce these goals regularly, I'm not sure that I am taking steps to improve those skills.  What is a method to achieve these goals?

Dale Carnegie suggests self-analysis, in particular "Check up each week on the progress you are making. Ask
yourself what mistakes you have made, what improvement, what lessons you have learned for the future."  He does not insist on measurable and timely goals.  I was also suggest this idea of self-analysis from another teacher.  This is not something that I have part of my schedule, so it's something to consider.

Another possibility is to try and make the goals measurable and timely.  For example, for the goal of wanting to be fun, I could make a goal of trying to make at least one person laugh for 3-5 days in a week.  For persuasive I could make the goal to convince someone to do something for me 3-5 days in a week.  For romantic, I could say I will purchase some product about relationships and apply at least one of it's teachings within 2 weeks.

There are two ideas, self-analysis and make the goals measurable and timely.  I prefer the second option.

What ideas do you have on how to achieve unmeasurable goals?